MIH reporting for duty...
Before I start I just want to put the record straight for those of you that may have recieved a text from my phone in the last day and a half, I am in fact totally free from STI's and rather certain of my hetrosexuality, despite the recent arrival of AK (if you were sitting on the sexuality fence, AK would normally pull you onto his side). All these acusations have derived from my misplaced trust in the boys and unfortunate habbit of leaving my phone lying around and my facebook signed in... Schoolboy !
WARNING WARNING... Despite doing my best to warn REA that I am possibly the worst person to let loose on his blog, he's made me do it. so I'll just warn you lot too (by you lot I mean you, our follower). I'm no S.Horne or MOD when it comes to writing prowess, in fact, some of you may be insulted by my poor SPAG (Speling, Punctuation And Grammar). Also it's got to that time in the night where I could happily bore you to death by typing and typing and typing without realising (I've been known to write 6,000 word emails at this sort of time). Basically, if we (REA, MOD and myself) were compared to the top gear team, I would be James May...
That said.... here goes...
Rather fresh from lunch, REA returns to his dent in the couch after histories longest lasting but un-recorded poo. During his absense MOD did his upmost to maintain methane levels in the new ABH (ashes blog headquarters). Meanwhile AK, our honoured guest for the evening (I can now officially say "our guest" as the motion of me moving into PB's room has been passed due to his lack of presence for the first hour and a half of the 2010 ashes and total lack of presence during the second day), has fallen asleep.
02:42- Ponting is caught behind down the leg side, I believe, 2nd ball back from the lunch break.
Seconds later and like a broken record, bumble reiterates the need for 3 slips and a gully. Apparrantly this is a key wicket, but I don't see what all the fuss is about :-) he's just an old man deperately trying to catch up with Tendulkar (",)
02:44- MOD commentary on AK
"I love how AK opened his eyes briefly to view the replay of the wicket, then instantly returned to the pink elephants in his mind..."
02:54- Finn, awesome caught and bowled, diving forward- What a guy
2 Balls later, chance at 2nd slip, what a guy
Great over by Finn, batsmen all ends up, the word 'beauty' used 3 times in 30 seconds by english commentators, what a guy
Finn- WHAT A GUY
minutes later, after some silence, REA and MOD exchange fantasies.
REA- I just want to see stumps cartwheeling
MOD- I wanna see the ball pitch straight and hit the stumps
... I can't help but feel ambivilant about these comments...and I don't even know what that word means...
MOD proudly puns, "Finn is on Fire" (the sense of pride in his voice, I can only suggest, is the result of the clever use of two words beginning with 'F'...I used to look up to MOD but right now, I'm having doubts)
Making up for this he followed up with "Micheal Clarke has great cricketing style" A comment more worthy of this blog (I'm struggling a little, can you tell?)...
Finn nearly gets 2 wickets in 2 overs following the bettering of Ponting, but a referred caught behind is found to be not out. Well... Camera said not out, hot spot said not out, but later Snicko said OUT! contraversial? discuss...?
This sadly leaves England out of reviews... Bad times...
Hussey barks at the ball following nearly every defensive shot. Has anybody else noticed this or has breathing in AK's exhaled gas left me a little high?
REA brings up the following potential debatable subjects
- the fact that in the England side, Swanny is the token...Discuss
- Mike Hussy is wearing blue helmet...Suggestions?
I'm struggling here, watching swanny get into a rhythm of dragging it short, then watching it sail to the midwicket boundry, meanwhile trying to avoid breathing in (due to REA's chronic methane leak). I am therefore going to shift attention to the activities of REA.
03:32- REA shows weakness and threats to go to sleep
03:33- REA Decides not to be "that guy" and returns to the sofa
03:46- REA becomes "that guy"
The time is now 03:52 and MOD is still going strong. AK shows occasional signs of life, be it of a rather sedentary nature. MIH struggles to write anything interesting in this blog and resorts to referring to himself in the third person...
With reference to the above I'm going to have my daily rant. I love AK and have looked forward to seeing him... However, here is the list of his actions in the house over the last 3-4 hours and the development of my resentment of his presence...
- Arrives and after brief man hug, proceeds to sit on MY couch, in MY seat. I say my couch because since 3 hours before the first ball of this ashes series I have left that couch only to carry out necessary bodily functions to carry on living (eating/drinking/toilet-ing). I therefore now feel a deep inner connection with this couch, almost as though we were meant for eachother and all my life so far has led up to this moment, my destiny to become one with this couch.
- When I got up to fetch him a drink during the lunch interval he adopted a more horizontal position filling the couch with the whole of his body. This leaves me squashed between REA and MOD who are farting rather competitively!
- AK is now asleep
- I feel let down, used and abused...
- Now is probably a good time to list a few of the more affectionate nick names given to AK over the years
* Ginger pubes
* Durex (colour chart) (due to the unique pattern and variation of colour of the hairs on a certain part of his body)
* Ginger 1 (as opposed to DC-Ginger 2)
* my personal favourite, Fire Crotch
- AK's prospects of making it to work for 9ish-10ish tomo morning...Low to nil...
04:03- WICKET !!! Finn...Obviously...What a guy
M.Clarke, despite his quite excellent cricketing style, goes for 9... I like him more now !
04:10- WICKET WICKET WICKET !!!
Swanny comes good, lefty caught by Colli in the slips... standard procedure
Finally a convincing spell from England... GO ON BOYS !!!
04:30- AK displays internalional level snoring and wakes himself up with one aggressive snort !
04:40, tea time... but nobody left to make tea for... I now stand (in a seated position) alone. perhaps I'll draw on AK to kill some time while these old blokes talk about what's just happened in the cricket...
05:06- They're back from tea now and the score stands at 174-5 with Hussey (49) and Haddin (11) at the crease. Hussey 49 ... That's crept up !!! and there's the half century, 42 in boundries. Good knock so far from Mr.Cricket (Hussey, not S.Horne)
I forgot to mention before by the way, that earlier on, before the start of play, I predicted, with Jedi accuracy, that Watson would snick off in the mid thirties and that would be followed by Katich, who would boringly make a few more, probably mid forties. So actually I'm probably not always to be ingored. I shall let you guys know the next time the force feels strong. I had also predicted a few small partnerships and that Australia would eventually end around the 320 mark all out. Time will tell.
With nobody to talk to it's quite tempting to just keep typing rubbish on here... I have found it to be rather therapeutic... No, I must leave... I think you'll agree (if you've made it this far without clicking onto facebook or anything else more interesting, which would be, anything else...) I'm not a natural blogger, and to carry on would be a form of cruelty, both to you the reader and to the art of blogging. Instead I'll leave it to the pro's (MOD) and the experienced (REA).
Well, lads and lasses, Peace and Love
MIH (not really sure why we are all referring to eachother in initials but hey, MIH are mine... it doesn't mean "Man In Hat" or "Mat Is Homosexual")
xxx
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