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Thursday, 16 December 2010

Ashes Blog 2010/11, 3rd Test, Day 1, Morning

Good Morning,

It is a rather sombre mood in the lounge of 76 at the moment as I'm on my own.

After wandering down the stairs at approximately 2.15 AM it came as no surprise that REA was asleep in bed with RON (and by RON I mean the middle-aged male lorry driver that REA has recently been sharing his life with). To be frank, I'd be surprised if he manages to do any blogging during play in the course of this test match.

In terms of cricket, the toss was won by England who chose to bowl on a moist green pitch. Yes that's right, a moist green pitch. The sort of wicket you would expect to find in North Wales not Perth but alas, it should be something that England's fine seam attack should be able to take advantage of.

The national anthems have come to be somewhat of a highlight of this test series but something that you may not have noticed is that Pieterson and Trott actually have the lyrics to our national anthem on a sheet of paper stuck to the mascot in front them. Clever! Once again an Aboriginal tribe leader welcomes all to their homeland in a surreal yet entertaining speech.

It should be noted now that I wouldn't expect too many blogs this evening as I am on my own and hoping to continue composing a review of the year's news for Sorry if you're tuned in hoping to find witty remarks being sent your way all evening, it won't be happening.

Unfortunately for England, Beer has not been selected for Australia. With Australia's current selection policy, I feel fairly confident that the infamous JW coil may even get a look in if he can land it on the pitch.

Anyway, the first over has been bowled by James Anderson to Shane Watson while the midget formerly known as Philip Hughes watches on as a wicket is given not out after having been reviewed. Excellent grab by Prior though.


Wednesday, 15 December 2010

Pre 3rd Test warm-up

Good Evening Sports fans!

A warm welcome back to a chilly 76 High Dells for what promises to be an intriguing Test Match.

The news from the WACA is that Chris Tremlett is in for the injured Stuart Broad, we wish him all the best in what will be a difficult test.

Lets bring you up to speed with whats been happening at 76 over the past 10 days.

MOD went to work
REA went to work
PB has gone to Florida
TL is still playing COD

More from 76 later on in the evening

Sunday, 5 December 2010


04:28 - PP talks tactics 'Yer, good tactic having the two gulley's in'.........why is Matty Holly batting?

04:36 - Everyone is taken aback by an incredible shining light......wait no.........its a lamp reflecting off PP's head.

04:38 - Nasser claims 'KP is such a clean striker of the ball' - Gonna hurt in the mornin!

04:39 - PP suggests the KP has a dodgy take a toilet break lad.

End of session,


Mid Afternoon, Third Day, Second Test

Morning Team PP here,

Interval - During lunch, RLR showed us her gooch, one word......hairy!!!

Interval - JSGW's Sprinkler left three wet patches.

2.50 - The Ginger ninja falls to a LBW, failure to launch.

anyway thats enough about cricket.

3.05 - RON, is still learning the language

3.06 - Cricket is shit

3.07 - no-one really knows what the best mcflurry is

William Shatner's rocket man is the best version.......ipso facto

3.14 - RLR declares "my feet are nice", "shame about your hairy gooch" replied PP.

3.20 - RON complains "The price of shit is extortionate", and RLR still smells like fish

It would appear that the convicts went to the Bagpuss school of fielding.

It would also appear that someone had drawn on Mitchell Johnson's arm, do you think he knows?

3.25 - MIH breaths out, well done matty keep going.

3.28 - Bell has been at the crease for roughly 20 mins before he gets noticed by PP

Mitchell Johnson still has drawing on his arm.

3.44 - In an attempt to raise arousal levels amongst the group, MIH fits a whole burger in his mouth, and in case your wondering boys.....yes he swallows

3.47 - hot-spot confirms that the convicts are cold blooded and are in-fact lizards, in other news JSGW joins the 76 high dells band, apparently he plays the trumpet

ENG 500-4 KP gets cramp, and dinger is still on 16 showing potential to score a run with some lovely shadow drives but his bat remains undisturbed.....clearly he went to the Stockwell school of strike rates

REA keeps a trout in his fish tank, read into that what you will

MOD is going to find out how RLR's father is, sorry Woodsie but yay for him

MIH is looking suspiciously close to his famous lumpy yawn as JSGW pushes the drinking pace but the condiditon of young SH would suggest he is gunning for first place in the race to pray to the porcelain god. The aforementioned condition can only be summed up by the fact he is singing Beyonce and one can only the imagine the dance routine is only moments away.

KP looks on for a double ton and the aussies look more pissed off than when Ann Frank did when she got a drum kit for Christmas

I hope thats not a commentators curse but ive been rambling on for long enough now

night all
One man and his melon
01:22 - PP gruffs again. This lounge is starting too smell like Inzy's pit.

01:25 - Doherty's figures are starting to look more expensive than REA's uni debts.

01:26 - MIH is on the verge of collapse; breathe Matty breathe!!!!

01:31 - It has come to light that SBH uses a fusion to shave his balls, surprisingly not a Grey Nicolls.

01:37 - Just to make something clear....I hate cricket.

01:39 - PP confesses he is shit at cricket. This is a shame because before the unfortunate head swelling incident he was once described by David Gower as the 'Songbird of his generation'.

01:42 - REA returns....Mozzeltoff.

01:47 - It apprears REA ate all the pies at Jew Club....Lad.

01:50 - 10 minutes left in the session. Basically, not a lot's happened in the cricket 432-3. Getting a bit crazy in here now, the advent calenders are being cracked open.....I'm going to stick with the amber necter thanks.

01:52 - SBH says 'Boner', bloody hilarious!

01:56 - PP notices that Punter has very hairy arms. Word on the straze is the Aussie team have nicknamed him 'The drain blocker'.

01:58 - KP brings up his 150, elation....NAAAT!

02:00 - Thank fuck for that, they are walking off!


Ashes Blog, Second Test, Third Day, Mid-Morning Session

12:00 - Brian here, play has started, RLR and Mrs P chatting persistently, I've had a look around, MIH's hair could cause some serious Tracheal blockage....the insertion may cause an inconvenience...

12:02 - News that MOD dravided RLR primary "big 3 word" Aadvances stuns and shocks the room.

12:02 - Michael Holding = LAD

12:03 - A story has been discussed, following much deliberation, Shit Lad is a crap bloke

12:04 - REA's absence pleases us, MIH, MOD, RLR, PP and Mrs P initiated into Herts Elite, REA misses out on the grounds that he can't live up to the high standards that the Elite demand*

*disclaimer: No actual new members have made the elite.

12:10 - Still no cricket chat, a very boring opening passage.

12:14 - The conversation has tilted towards how fish become bloated.......the ingestion of air when eating fish flakes is decided to be the main culprit.

12:16 - KP plays and misses

12:18 - 12:24 - MIH has forgotten to breathe for 6 minutes now, a shunt from JSGW

12:25 - 10 things I'd rather do than watch the test at this current moment:

1) Eat MIH's hair
2) Take a summer away from cricket
3) go for a drink with Shit Lad
4) Have a net with Dick Holly
5) T-Cut PP's dome
6) Listen to JSGW's views on podiatry
7) Live in a student house again, I'm above this now.
8) Walk
9) Convince the room that RDG's has actually told a truthful story
10) A shot of gin

12:26 - KP Ton's up, on a serious note, it is a great site to see the man bat this well again, it makes me want to start an impromptu game of OHOB

12:27 - No takers for OHOB

12:36 - Great Delivery, Great take, the first bit of good cricket from Aus for days. They have looked distinctly lacklustre in the field, England have them for the taking, lets see how the inninsg develops.

12:44 MOD taunts RLR with a rendition of "When a man loves cricket", DGW phones JSGW, he must sense RLR's vulnerability....stay tuned.

12:51 - KP is starting to liven up procedures, this has only taken 51 minutes, but cricket chat is starting to develop, and excitement is brewing, the last time I saw an English atmosphere as positive as this, was when the mighty 07' UHCC chased down 240 against UCL.

01:03 - MOD raises a point that Siddle doesn't look like a bright chap, unanimously agreed with some enthusiasm from the room. The Pleb.

That's all from me for now, decent run rate from England despite a pitifully slow start, let's hope it continues...

Friday, 3 December 2010

Ashes Blog, Second Test, Day 2, Pre-Morning Session

Welcome loyal readers, those of you are who following this in real time - what are you doing? It's Friday night.

Anyway, after having received a catch-up on the rest of the day's play via the medium of telephone and courtesy of IOD, we're ready and raring to go. Red wine is opened, brownie and camenbert is in the oven - for want of a better day, the mood is tense...

Most intriguingly for many who will be following today's play is the altercation that occured between Punter and the target of REA's affections, Andrew Strauss, We've been told handbags were thrown and "yer mum" insults were traded.

Guest pundits this evening are RLR and RON, we're sure to be hearing plenty from them later. X-Factor and I'm a Celebrity fans are in for a treat.

25 minutes until game time, we'll see you there.